بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Muslim Family... And the Dangers of Disintegration
The Muslim family is hit by a great danger that is threatening its existence, ruining its foundations and warning of its destruction and the disconnection of its members. The family unit, which is dominated by love, cohesion and harmony, seems united from the outside, but it is disunited from the inside, held together by the walls of the house or the dining table; a house in which one lives as a stranger among others and does not share his private concerns and problems! The disintegration has hit the family members and tore them and made them live individually, suffering as a result of alienation, loneliness, grief and loss.
The family unit - the first and main institution that raises the child and builds in him the concepts to apply in his life and moulds his personality –was influenced by many factors that undermine its entity. Thus, the roles of the family were reduced and many problems arose; it was dominated by coldness and the love bonds were broken and each member had his own world. The children pay no attention to their parents or their advice: stubbornness and selfishness dominates; they do not see that neglecting their parents’ rights as a sin or a mistake. Parents also share the blame for the situation of their kids because of not taking their job of raising the children seriously.
A serious disease afflicting the Muslim family called “the family disintegration” is a major problem no less important than the many problems experienced by the Islamic Ummah. What causes it? How can it be treated?
Family disintegration is the dissolution of family ties and the weakness and fading away of love among individuals as their relationship becomes dry; love is not part of it, and the house turns into a "hostel" where the individual shelters and eats in. A vast gap was created between the family members and each one of them lives strange to the other. It is very dangerous as the dissolution of the family disintegration is the disintegration of society and the Ummah of Islam which gave the family great importance as its Deen taught it this, and explained that the well-being and peace in society is linked to the family unit.
Allah (swt) said:
﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم موَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً﴾
"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought" [Ar-Rum:21].
The house is a home for tranquility and stability. It bonds its members with love and mercy, and they are connected by the knowledge of the rules of Islam; they compete in the good deeds to gain the rewards. The father takes care of his family and the mother obeys her husband and pleases him and raises her children and surrounds them with her love and affection. Each of them knows each others’ rights and seeks to fulfill them to gain Allah’s pleasure. Islam instills lofty concepts that strengthen family ties and make them unique. Islam identified the roles and gave each member a job that complements one another so that the ship (family unit) navigates undisturbed by winds or storms, led by the captain who is assisted by assistants. Each one of them performs his assigned role to reach to safety: Allah’s pleasure and entering His Paradise.
The relationship between men and women is a relationship of peace, integration and harmony. It is not a relationship of war in which conflict, disputes and rivalry prevails. Each party knows its function and complements each other. In her complaint to the Prophet (saw) about her husband, Khawla said, “O Messenger of Allah, if I abandon my children they will be lost and if I look after them they will starve…” This awareness and understanding of the roles explained clearly by Khawla may Allah be pleased with her. She knows for certain that her responsibility is to raise her kids and the father’s is to spend on them; they complement each other and raise the children correctly with no cruelty or extra pampering so that the child does not grow hateful and ungrateful or weak fragile having no respect or care to the parents.
The Prophet (saw) said: «كفى بالمرء إثماً أن يضيّع من يقوت»"It is a great sin (even if it is the only sin) that man neglects spending (Nafaqa) on those he is responsible for (wife, children, servants, etc)."
Many are the parents who lost their homes and their children. There are no sincere feelings and no compassion or tenderness!! Parents’ main goal became to provide food and clothes and the latest in the world of electronics from computers, tablets and mobile phones. They are present to provide children with pleasures but absent from them; they show no compassion, no tenderness and no interest; they have no time to talk to them and sit and listen to them; everyone is rushing and racing time to do many tasks except to think and work hard to preserve the unity of the family!!
Many reasons have led to the rupture and disintegration of the family. The ongoing and repeated bickering between the parents due to the competition in running the family affairs and the change in the natural roles that Allah has created for them create a disturbing tense atmosphere and this causes anxiety and suffering of the children inside the home, turning the home into a terrifying and frightening place dominated by hatred and selfishness after it was "a source of tranquility, safety, love and tenderness," and relations have changed and became full of many differences that sometimes lead to divorce and separation of parents. Dr. Seth Meyers, an American psychologist and researcher in social relations, holds the view that families that experience anxiety and hardship in raising children often lacked the emotional and social support in their childhood, whether by being neglected by their parents or due to being raised in a family atmosphere full of problems and temperaments, while some parents face great difficulty and challenge in raising a difficult child. This is the secret of the bitterness they face. (Nahi As-Sarraf: raising children … A silent feeling of bitterness and fear of failure: Arabs)
We sound the alarm bells on the rates of divorces in Muslim families, which doubled and rose warning of the collapse of this important unit in society. According to "Aswat Magharibiya" website, divorce cases in the Maghreb region rose during the last 8 years, and statistics recorded that each hour 10 cases of divorce take place, i.e. 90 thousand cases per year; In Tunisia, 41 cases of divorce were recorded every day, more than 3 cases per hour, according to "Al-Sabah News" from the Ministry of Justice. According to a study conducted by the Arab Center for Mobilization and Statistics, six cases of divorce are registered every hour in Algeria, which prompted many observers and activists in Algeria to warn of the spread of the divorce phenomenon in the country (euronews). This is the same in Egypt, which ranks first in the world in divorce rate; of 250 cases a day ... Couples break up after hours of marriage ... four million divorced females and 9 million children are victims of separation. (Al-Youm As-Sabi’: 05/09/2017).
Morocco ranked fifth in the Arab world on the divorce rate ... 5 cases of divorce are recorded per hour. Under the title: "Divorce in Libya, a Frightening Rate, and Absent Numbers," channel 218 said that human rights groups say that the divorce rate has increased significantly over the past few years. Informal estimates suggest that the divorce rate in recent years has increased to about 30%, which means in the language of numbers that in every 100 marriages, 30 cases move towards the "happy ending".
The N Post has confirmed that Kuwait has taken the lead in the rise in the number of divorces. According to data, 60% of marital relations ended in separation in the first part of 2017. The Kuwaiti law grants divorced Kuwaiti women a number of benefits, including a monthly salary, a home, a car and an assistant. This is what makes some women rush to get divorce in order to get these services (according to the Ministry of Justice in Kuwait, according to the Arab Times Online website). In 2016, the number of marriage contracts in Saudi Arabia reached 157,000. In contrast, 46,000 divorce cases took place, i.e. 30% of the married couples’ relationship end in separation. In Turkey, the General Directorate of Judicial Records Statistics announced that divorce cases during the last 10 years amounted to 82%. The divorce cases in Istanbul were 62.3% of all civil cases filed in 2016. (Al Ain News). Pakistan has also suffered from the disease of disintegration and honor killings became widespread. A Human Rights Commission has recorded 280 murders under the pretext of honor from 2016 until June 2017.
As for the reasons, they are due in particular to the material Independence of women and their tendency towards the concepts of freedom from the authority of men and the possibility of giving him up, especially if the woman is not happy with the husband or when there is a previous defect in the relationship which results in material problems that fuel psychological stress between the married couple, which leads to tension in the emotional relationship due to the inability to meet the material needs of the family.
And these high and terrifying proportions are not all but are examples; many other countries suffer from this phenomenon which spread and spread in the Muslim families because they are distanced away from the correct Islamic concepts of marriage that it is a solemn covenant that linked the married couple, and divorce takes place for the simplest reasons… Many and great problems lead mostly to divorce and collapse of families and destitution of the children.
As a result of this disintegration and dispersion, family members feel lost and live in insecurity; they are weak and unable to solve problems which leads them to search for the easiest and closest ways, even if they are illegitimate and brings them loss.
Because it knows the great importance of Muslim family in the building children and preparing them to be men of the future, the West has exhausted all styles and methods to spread its venom to dismantle and eliminate it. It focused its efforts on the women, the responsible of building generations, and sought to distort and corrupt her correct concepts with its corrupt concepts that make her abandon her most important role that Allah chose for her i.e., raising of children and building them. “The Mother is a school, if you prepare her, you prepare people of good character.” The West has set up the squares and held conferences and seminars to spread its liberal destructive ideas. Catherine Forth, the American Professor, said, “The International conventions and agreements concerning women, family and the population ... are now being formulated in agencies and committees that are dominated by three categories: extremist feminism, anti-birth and population growth, female and male homosexuals. The women’s committee in the United Nations was started up by a Scandinavian woman who believed in open marriage, rejected the family, considered marriage a restriction and believed that personal freedom must be absolute ... This concept of freedom has been reflected in the charters issued by this committee. The signing of CEDAW agreement makes opposition to homosexuality – even by a caricature (drawing) - a work that exposes its owner to legal accountability for the fact that it is “opposed to human rights’".
This is what the West, which will only be pleased when the Muslim Ummah follows its way of life, wants. It is plotting day and night to undermine its civilization and uproot the Ummah from its Islamic roots. Glory be to Allah (swt). He will defeat the West and end their actions and schemes, and He (swt) will restore the Ummah’ guidance and inspire it with a blessed return to rule by Allah’s law and to establish a society led by pure sincere concepts that are the basis for raising the children. They will be the one raised correctly with balance and will make them the best nation brought to humankind.
Written for the Central Media Office of Hizb ut Tahrir by