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O young People! Whoever among You Can Marry, Should Marry

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

«يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ، مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ البَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ»

“O young People! Whoever among You Can Marry, Should Marry”

(Translated)

Allah (swt) created mankind and made marriage the manner to procreate; Allah (swt) called marriage in the Noble Quran the “solemn covenant” to indicate its importance. وَأَخَذْنَ مِنكُم مِّيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا﴿“… and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?” [An-Nisa’: 21]

The Prophet (saw) disproved of the one who refuses to marry whatever the reason may be, even if this reason is Qiyam ul–Layl (staying up the night for worship) or fasting the day. The Prophet (saw) said:«...وأَتَزَوَّجُ النّساء، فَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي»“…and I marry wives, the one who does not act upon my Sunnah is not of me.”

Imam Ahmad (may Allah’s mercy be on him) said: “Celibacy is not from Islam, whosoever advises you to remain unmarried; has called you for other than Islam”.

The reluctance to marry is contrary to the Sunnah, and contrary to typical nature; and a door to the spread of corruption and vice, and abominations, may Allah forbid. Abstaining from marriage without a valid reason lessens the anxiety and discontent, because marriage brings tranquility, peace, affection and love.

﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give though.” [ar-Rum: 21]

Marriage agrees with human nature and ensures the survival of the human species, the succession on earth, the increase of progeny, and the prosperity of the land; it achieves the promise of the Prophet (saw) of the increased in numbers multiplied reproduction (of the Ummah) in front of other nations on the Day of Resurrection.

But when we look at the Muslim world, we see a large number of unmarried young women and men, and a recent study indicates that one-third of the number of young unmarried women in the Arab countries reached the age of thirty. For example, the percentage of unmarried males in Egypt between the ages of 18 and 29 years was about 37.4 percent of the total married population, compared with 16.4 percent of females in the 2017 census, according to Egyptian census data. According to some statistics, Palestine scored the lowest percentage with 7%, Bahrain with 25%, Yemen 30%, Kuwait, Qatar and Libya 35%, Egypt and Morocco 40%, Saudi Arabia and Jordan 45%, Algeria 51%, Tunisia 65%, Iraq and Syria 70%, UAE 75%, while Lebanon recorded the highest percentage reaching 85%. (Albawaba)

These large percentages are not promising, leading to evils, sedition (fitnah) and deviation, affecting the family and society. And these young people think that they live a calm life away from family problems and that their lives are free of family worries and troubles, but they are wrong because if they are chaste, they will live with unease, anxiety and suffer a bitter life and they will be deprived of the pleasure of marriage and the blessing of children which is of the greatest blessings that Allah bestowed to humans. If they are not chaste, they will turn to the Haram and sin, abandoning the Deen, upright values, and morality.

For this reason, the causes of delayed marriage or abstinence should be studied to remove the obstacles and facilitate it for young men and women. Otherwise, the Haram will be replaced by Halal, and corruption, fornication and sins will spread in the family and society, and the Ummah will be distanced further from the revival and returning back to Islam; its constitution, method and the state.

If we look at the reasons for the delay of marriage, we see that sometimes they differ from one country to another, but they are in common and are due to the non-application of the Shariah rulings, the most important of these reasons are:

The high cost of dowry (mahr) and the high cost of marriage in its empty manifestations, which makes marriage difficult or nearly impossible for many young men which delay marriage, or they turn to marry foreign women that do not cost them anything, which increases the number of unmarried women. This is contrary to what Allah has prescribed to the ease the costs of marriage. The Prophet (saw) said, «أَعَظَمُ النِّسَاءِ بَرَكَةً أَيْسَرُهُنَّ مَئُونَةً» “Women with the most Barakah are those with the easiest dowry.”

This is not to mention the many conditions and materialistic demands of the young women and her family, and concern with the materialistic aspect in the choice of husband and lack of attention to other important attributes such as Deen, morals and capability. The Legislator stressed two of great qualities to look for in the male spouse. The Prophet (saw) said:«إِذَا أَتَاكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ إِلَّا تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةُ فِي الأَرْضِ وَفَسَادٌ كَبِيرٌ»“Whoever comes to you and you’re pleased with their Deen and character (khulq) marry them! If you don’t, there will be corruption and great harm in the earth.” [Tirmithi]

There is no doubt that Allah guaranteed to support His faithful slave to get married, the Prophet (saw) said: «ثَلَاثَةٌ حُقَّ عَلَى اللهِ عَوْنُهُمْ: الْمُجَاهِدُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللهِ وَالْمُكَاتِبُ الَّذِي يُرِيدُ الأَدَاءَ وَالنَّاكِحُ الَّذِي يُرِيدُ الْعَفَافَ»“There are three people whom Allah will surely help: a warrior in the cause of Allah, a slave who wants to free himself by a payable contract, and whoever seeks chastity by marriage.” [Tirmithi]

It is so strange to find a man who gets his daughter married to someone who does not pray and does not fear his Lord, for his wealth and the abundance of his money and rejects the righteous man for his poverty!!

This problem is further exacerbated by the absence of the Islamic state that would look after the people, and by the capitalist system in which we live, such as the spread of unemployment, low income, widespread corruption and nepotism, which makes those seeking to get married incapable of starting a family life.

Among the most important factors that hinders marriage and delays it for many young men and women is the influence of corrupt media directed and influenced by the concepts of the West, its principles, social patterns, ideas and manifestations that are far from the provisions of Islam; that are transmitted to the children of Muslims through various series, films and programs. This is in addition to their weak religious deterrent and absence of deterant laws and limits in the system leading to the decline of values ​​and ethics, and openness without restrictions. Thus, some formed illicit relationships and chase after forbidden desires and deluded dreams and the mirage of fake love and the need for the couple to have a relationship before marriage so that they know each other!! This is one of the greatest fitnah, may Allah protect us, or their desire for freedom and not act responsibly or other rational convictions unjustifiable by Shariah and are not to be relied upon.

Because of the man-made rule capitalist laws in the Muslim countries, which are governed by benefit and interest, and where family relations and proper guardianship and family ties are dissolved, a number of young women feel threatened and insecure of the future. Therefore they will seek-according to them- to find a weapon to protect their future; that is education and work, even if it clashes with their marriage and motherhood. If the rules of Islam were applied, they would not feel this because Islam guarantees their protection, care and security in all their roles in life. We also must not forget the illusion of equality and economic empowerment, which makes women think of independence and pursue their self-achievement and personality by finding a prominent place in society, and thus the idea of ​​class and cultural equivalence emerge between spouses serving as a criterion that women set in choosing the person to marry, it may not be found, leading to delay in marriage or not getting married. The family sometimes is the reason for the delay of their daughter’s marriage or they practice “Al Adhl" (preventing daughters from getting married) to realize their desires to benefit materially.

To solve a problem or minimize its effects we must eliminate its causes, we must begin to emphasize the importance of marriage and its necessity for young men and women, and we must show the dangers of abstaining from marriage or making it difficult. And then we must work to facilitate marriage through the following:

To reduce the costs of marriage, to reduce dowry, to lower the costs of marriage and its demands, and to accept those we are satisfied with their Deen and morals, even if they have less money, and by keeping in mind the words of Allah (swt):

﴿وَأَنْكِحُوا الْأَيَامَى مِنْكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ

“And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing” [An-Nur: 32]. And the saying of the Prophet (saw):«إِنَّ مِنْ يُمْنِ الْمَرْأَةِ تَيْسِيرَ خِطْبَتِهَا، وَتَيْسِيرَ صَدَاقِهَا، وَتَيْسِيرَ رَحِمِهَا»“It is from the Barakah of the woman: the ease of her engagement, the ease of her dowry, and the ease by which she conceives (have children).”

And the saying of Umar (ra) said: "Do not increase the dowry of women, had it given honour in the Dunya or been a worship (taqwa) for the Akhira then the Messenger of Allah would have been more fitting of that than you (but He (saw) did not increase the dowry)." [Narrated by the five narrators and verified by Tirmidhi]

And we say to the one who prevents his daughter or sister from getting married, due to greed of her money or job, despite getting a proposal from the righteous man and their acceptance of the proposal: that this is forbidden by the Shariah. Allah (swt) says:

﴿فَلاَ تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ أَن يَنكِحْنَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ إِذَا تَرَاضَوْاْ بَيْنَهُم بِالْمَعْرُوفِ

“…do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis” [Al-Baqara: 232].

As for the young people who are reluctant to marry because of the wrong ideas and concepts that are far from Islam, we say to them: Fear Allah and know that time passes and the desire ceases and only the guilt and sorrow remain, and tranquility and peace will only come by marrying the righteous woman or a righteous husband.

﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give though.” [ar-Rum: 21]

And do not imitate what you see in serials and destructive programs full of corrupt concepts and behaviours that are far from our Deen, morals and values, which are exported to us to corrupt us, because they fear the mighty return of Islam as it was during the days of the existence of its strong secure state.

As for you, my daughter and sister, you should accept a husband that pleases Allah and His Messenger, and do not prefer the incompetent to the competent for money or name or status you want, or for your desired privilege, or for a wish in the Dunya, so that you attain Allah’s blessing. Also, your study or job is not more important than your marriage and your motherhood, and there is no clash between them, if you are able to balance between them. Your first role in this life is to be a mother and a housewife, and earning a living is the task of the man (husband). He has to secure all your needs. This does not reduce your position and status, rather on the contrary, this is your role and by Allah it is a very important one, and from the most difficult tasks men cannot do, it is the building of a human being, your home and your family are not compensated for by a certificate or a job whatsoever.

We would also like to draw attention here to a Shariah ruling that its absence resulted in the increase in the number of unmarried women. This ruling was distorted by serials, films, petty writings of petty male and female writers; this is polygamy, which is a Shariah law from the laws of Allah and from the Sunnah of the Messenger (saw), which is a good solution for the increasing number of unmarried women, we need to clarify this law. Also the polygamist must fear Allah and ensure fairness, what distorted the law of polygamy are the unjust polygamists. The majority of them are inclined towards some women (wives) and their children at the expense of other women (wives) and their children, this made women hate polygamy and many others fear for themselves and their daughters from it. Some have even preferred to remain unmarried than to marry a polygamist that will be unjust to her or to another wife because of her assuming it will be sinful.

And we conclude with the words of the Prophet (saw): «يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ، مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ البَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ، فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ»“O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illicit sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.”

Written for the Central Media Office of Hizb ut Tahrir by

Muslimah Ash-Shami (Umm Suhaib)

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